"Will You Handle Infidelity When It Is You Who Cheated"

The day you started to move away from your marriage. Start cheating on your spouse and had that extra marital affair.Cleaning up the aftermath is never simple.  Just think for a moment.....You will need to face the possible explosive reaction of your spouse, also you will need to handle your own fragile feelings.  Nothing is going to be easy in how you handle your spouse's feelings (and rightfully so), and in order for you to handle the situation better, you should think about how YOU feel about your marriage also. You will need to own up to your behavior, be remorseful that you indulged in the behavior of infidelity. But also keep in mind, if your feelings have changed and you find yourself in love with someone else, NOW may be the time to consider ending the marriage as graceful and compassionate as possible.
OK are you able to admit your infidelity and try to work on your marriage?  If you are not sincerely in love with your husband or wife maybe a greater change awaits you.  But going outside the marriage doesn't mean that you really want to put an end to the relationship.  The one thing to ask yourself is; if you had a crystal ball and you could see into the future and see all the hurt and pain caused, would you really want to do it again?  Don't worry about the reasons why you had the affair.  That is done and is in the past, you cannot go back and change what has already been done.

At this stage of the game, most people will feel very guilty about their infidelity.  If you really want your wife or husband to trust, forgive and accept you again, you will need to forgive yourself.  Please understand this concept will run directly in line with how you feel and think about yourself. How will anybody else think you’re beautiful if you cannot and will not think you are yourself?   Once you forgive yourself, you will start open the flood gates to allow total forgiveness from your loving spouse.  Answer me this, how would hanging onto that guilty feeling help your marriage anyway?  Let it go (it being the guilt), does not in any way mean you love your spouse less because you are trying to "get over it."  It really means that you're traveling into an area at which you can really help your marriage, instead of continuing to down yourself over the past.
So do you really expect your partner to give you their trust again in the foreseeable future? You may have no choice but to accept that.  Need I remind you if you were concerned about trust in your marriage, you probably should have thought about making better choices concerning your decisions of your past.  But... you didn’t….did you? So now you should be as considerate, understanding and loving when you see  your spouse is stressed out and anxious and ask you; where have you been all night or who have you been talking too.  It will probably take some time for your partner to get pass their anxiety about the infidelity, and quite frankly they may never totally get over the infidelity. The one thing that you will need to commit to your spouse is you will be patient, understanding, compassionate, and comforting during the times your spouse has some anxious feelings.  What will you do to help and assist your spouse get over the infidelity?  If you start to get upset and defensive, then your spouse will just put up his or her guard, and where would you be then, I'll tell you...... you will be exactly right back where you started, in the same place you were in when your spouse found out when you were caught
cheating.  You will need to assist your spouse in finding some emotional closure. You must do whatever is asked of you to support your partner find emotional closure.  If you have to check in with your partner many times a day, then you do it! Especially if you plan on saving your marriage, this will require you to be where you say you are, and when you are supposed to be there, 24/7. That means 24 hours a day, seven days a week, until your spouse can generate that trust in you again.
If you are seriously committed to making your marriage work again, look at your marriage with your partner, as a fresh start. If you would like a loving and good spouse, you need to be a loving and good spouse.  Take charge of your impulses and urges and realize you do not have permission to hurt people and cause havoc in people lives because like a child, you are not getting exactly what you want exactly when you think you want it.